> you can't deep throat a shotgun because you have a kid to support?

That last part really got to me. What country are you in? USA?

Regardless of whether or not you have a child to support your situation is serious and you should contact a mental healthcare professional, these sort of things do not typically go away because of pressure of having children to support, they get worse because of them.

I would caution against going with any HN advice over and beyond: find a professional.

Best of luck.