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Comment by armandososa | Hacker News Reader

Why is there so much pressure on Americans to leave their family's home as soon as possible? I lived with my parents and my two sisters in Mexico until I got married at 32 and I think that helped me avoid depression in my twenties. Had I've been alone in those years I think I would have killed myself.

And apart for having moral support it was financially sound. When I was doing well with my freelance gigs I would contribute to the household and everybody enjoyed the fruits of the excelente USD to MXN exchange ratio, when work dried up I knew I wouldn't starve.

There's always a character in US sitcoms that lives with their parents and is portrayed to be such a loser. I just don't get it.

I guess, what I say is: if you want to travel around the world do it. If you want to live alone or with annoying room mates do it. But if you're happy with your parents (and vice-versa) why does the culture wants force you to be miserable and alone?

Screw the culture.

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Americans (myself included) typically have a strong individualist streak. If you don't have a "reason" to do so, such as taking care of them or not being employed, it's typically seen as laziness. Personally I couldn't wait to move out. After college I had a 6 month internship where I lived with them and spent my entire stipend on gas for the 45 minute commute, then moved out as soon as I had enough for the apartment deposit.

Yes, but if that's the cause of depression and loneliness wouldn't it be a good time to revise that culture? I'm just saying that it could not be the best strategy for everybody.

Other comments have mentioned culture, individualism, etc. The society as a whole expects you to portray freedom and success. Financial, responsibility, mobility, and we're pretty selfish even to our family. I'd say, yes living with your parents as an adult is a negative stereotype, there's a stigma to it deep enough that most people just WANT to leave the nest. They also want freedom from their parents/rules/etc so they really just build an urge to leave the home through their teen years. I personally feel like american teens have a ton of rules and limitations. Not sure how it compares to other cultures, but I feel it's getting worse in the US and fear is a big driver IMO.

Parents can be rather selfish too, most can't wait until their kids turn 18 and leave the house. The want to live alone too. We like our personal space. It's common complaint for us Americans when non-USer's stand too close to us or otherwise invade our space. This is a common issue we encounter when standing in line at a store and the other patrons get too close to us. It makes us very uncomfortable and irritated. (This is a generalization of course, but I've had this conversation with dozens of people... it's a thing).

>Parents can be rather selfish too, most can't wait until their kids turn 18 and leave the house. The want to live alone too.

This is the worst aspect of it. The hypocrisy! When I was young and naive, I believed parents loved to have the kids around. Oh boy. Don't they right? The only problem is that they want us still to be kids, and won't leave the household to you and let you live a full adult life there. If you are going to live with them, they want you to depend on them, and they want you to let them be the one who runs the house. All the sob stories you hear, when you are growing up, about kids leaving their parents won't tell you that side of the story.

So if you are a kid in the same situation, and have philosophical/ideological difference about how to life a human adult life, DO NOT PLAN ON living with your parents if objectively they don't need it. Don't do it becuase of some romantic notion of the "right thing" that the mainstream narrative has fed you. *ITS FUCKING BULLSHIT!"...

> Why is there so much pressure on Americans to leave their family's home as soon as possible?

It's purely cultural.

Who creates this culture?

Everyone in it, past present and future.

If you're in it, you're welcome to fight the collective billions of years that reinforce it. Seems unlikely, but not impossible. That's how culture works in general.

Billions of years? This whole "rise of the nuclear family" happened within the last 100 years, and not even that long.

My bad, I missed a few words: I meant "billions of years of lived experience", as in millions of people * years living and reinforcing the culture at hand.

i think this is about individualism/nuclear family vs more traditional family model.

individual success and personal independence is valued in (modern?) us culture, not contribution to broader family.

if you are contributing to the family income, your family is being needy, if you are living at home to save money, you are unable to do it on your own, etc etc. true pragmatism is sacrificed in the name of the all-powerful super-individual

plus even if you are not ready to begin a family for many years, you should be out 'living the life' and having disposable partners, showing off your prowess by having some fancy apartment, etc.

^ and queue the people who will criticize me for making life about starting a family, only belying my point...

Not all Americans conform to those stereotypes.

My sons still live with me. The oldest is 31.

We have good excuses that are culturally acceptable. But I basically don't care what other people think.

What's the size of your house? I found it pretty hard to have a girlfriend or friends over in a small place. You have your own schedule and need for intimacy as an adult, it's hard when parents are always lurking behind the next wall.

It's the competitive/capitalism culture - we go to the best college we can, and then to pay that off we have to get the best job we, the CEOs have to compete too so wages are pressed down and layoffs happen, and this means the labor has to job hop to make ends meet, and new job generally means relocation again ... in other words total destruction of communities. The laws of power aren't optional and neither is competition.

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