Autism is under-diagnosed in women
bbc.co.uk
bbc.co.uk
I suppose if one holds the view that men and women are mentally identical on average, it would lead one to the conclusion that the gender disparity in diagnosis rates is due to social factors (or some kind of medical discrimination).
We know ASD has a strong genetic component, so combining these results in another hypothesis for the higher prevalence of ASD in males, namely that it is affected by the X-Y chromosome dichotomy.
This isn't just a hypothesis, it's a well-documented fact. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_linkage for more info.
The whole "people must assume that there is everything exactly the same and only differences are social" is strawman.
Also, it is possible to have lower rates and simultaneously have those underdiagnozed.
It might be easier to think about this on a different level of granularity. The problem has a self referential issue (requires social to evaluate social) if discrimination is the largest factor considered. Aggregate social factors over time yield discrimination - can't be corrected if the solution defines the problem.
If you consider the low prevalence, most people don't even know anyone with the different behaviors grouped under Asperger syndrome.
(lots more people have social problems from depression and anxiety than autism spectrum disorders...)
[1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5286449/
[2] https://www.cambridge.org/core/services/aop-cambridge-core/c...
[3] http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1995-97924-000
[4] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-007-0441-x
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cluster_B_personality_disorder...
Next time you find yourself in a situation where they are behaving contrary to what you would expect, don't assume malice. Make sure you carefully and clearly articulate your feelings and perspective, have them voice their concerns, and then ask them to rearticulate what you just said. Ask them to put into their own words what you are thinking and feeling, to rearticulate what your perspective is and why. Ask them to explain the cause and effect of their actions. And then shut up and let them answer, see what happens. Pay close attention to how they respond, to what extent they can empathise even if it's just simply repeating back what you said. You both may be shocked -- them by the question, you by the response -- but it'll be an enlightening experience. And after a time or two of that, at least you'll know where you are.