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Comment by pcurve | Hacker News Reader

I actually use neither but I waste just as much time online on other sites, youtube, HN, news sites.

sometimes I wonder if it would be better for me to actually use Facebook and Instagram MORE, just like everyone else.

For many, it has become the norm in how one shows interest in other people.

Anyway, I tried browser plugins and they're surprisingly effective for me. But I always manage other means to distract myself with, that is ultimately non-productive and unfulfilling.

I clearly have problems. lol.

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The problem is that time spent online is not equal no matter where or what. Instagram/Facebook have engineered models against healthy psychology though and littered with ads, hence why they are worse than many places. Youtube has ads, but at least most are clearly marked. HN has neither.

I've found the best way to fix the non-productive problem is to find something you think is worth your time and also fun. I post a lot online helping people with the college search/admissions process because I enjoy it and it helps people. I probably spent more time with that than others do Facebook, but I don't think it's a problem. HN I would classify as a mix of keeping up with my industry + news + general interest.

To be clear, there are also ways to use Instagram/Facebook healthily, but it's much harder when it's literally made to be unhealthy because it's what the company wants.

I definitely hurt my social life a lot by leaving Facebook. I don't try to hide it by saying "only real friends that will send me mail or call me matter!" because as someone in their mid 20s/college, a lot of serendipitous social stuff happens on Facebook (maybe now IG). Some people I've met even give you their IG username rather than their phone if they just met you.

It is entirely normal to have friends you aren't super close with but still want in your life. A lot can be reached through iMessage/SMS but a ton of stuff happens on social networks nowadays.

As someone in the same age bracket I can definitely relate. I still think Facebook is toxic and should die, but I'm considering keeping a pseudonymous profile with very little personal information on it on a separate device just for stuff like this.

Not that I'm entirely at an age where celebrating my birthday matters much anymore, but I deleted my account about a year ago.

One person not an immediate family member remembered to wish me a happy birthday when it came up. One.

It confirmed a lot about us and how much is informed by blue F company.

I made my birthdate private on Facebook and now I only receive congratulating from family and a few close friends.

I don’t think it’s because people don’t remember you though, I think it’s because Facebook has trained us to let it be our assistant for birthdays. It’s also made you used to having tons of people “remember” you, even though they would have never done so before Facebook. It’s really a lonelyness machine in that regard.

When I left Facebook for a period I didn’t remember birthdays either though. I’ve since added birthdays to my contacts so my Callander app is now responsible for being my birthday assistant instead of Facebook.

I also always send a SMS or call and never congratulate on Facebook, exactly because it’s so shallow.

> It is entirely normal to have friends you aren't super close with but still want in your life. A lot can be reached through iMessage/SMS but a ton of stuff happens on social networks nowadays.

I am in a similar position, and have no social media. To echo some of your points, when I first left FB there were some events that I missed out on that I would consider high importance to me. At first, I was shocked, I tried to hide it with the "real friends with mail me!" excuse, but I was still "disappointed" (for lack of a better word)

I'm lucky enough where a observant extrovert in my social circle noticed my preferences, and now they email/text me about most events. I try to keep in touch with the rest of my friends over phone, and people i'm not super close with over email. I don't do the best job, but I don't miss FB

I did that for a while, but it’s also feels kind of shitty to be the one friend everyone has to go out of their way to invite to everything.

I know it’s a chicken and egg situation but I eventually rejoined Facebook to not be the hassle.

I don’t use any of their apps though, and I only check fb a few times a week to see what events are happening, and if someone messages me it’ll have to wait until I’m on the desktop version.

The internet is a tool. You can use it well, or you can use it badly. Facebook, Instagram, and other sites make it easy to use it badly. But ultimately, whether your time online is positive and productive, negative and wasteful, or somewhere in the middle is not about specific sites, but about what each of us does with our time. So you are absolutely correct to take accountability for it upon yourself, and I'd commend that attitude.

I believe that the long-term trend we are starting to see is more people coming back to seeing the Internet as a tool to enhance their lives, not a medium by which to live them. When that trend fully evolves, FB, Instagram, and all social media will either change along with it, or fall away.

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