"Jim, I have detected signs of Dextromethorphan abuse in one of your children. No need to worry, Jim. Help is already on the way, the door will be unlocked automatically via Amazon Key..., your children will be returened, clean..."
"Your kids are starving. Carl's Jr. believes no child should go hungry. You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr."
Or because you're just parroting pop culture? If so, stop and try being more thoughtful instead.
Child services folks have an incredibly difficult, often thankless and woefully under-funded mission. Everybody loves to joke about them... until they need that sort of help.