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Comment by jmkni | Hacker News Reader

This will be a controversial one, but have you tried alcohol?

The next time there’s a staff night out, go to it, drink, lose your inhibitions and talk to people.

Not that this comment is good advice, but that this comment is downvoted, but the comment about being a backstabbing, lying, traitorous arse survives… We have a long way to go as a species.

A drink with coworkers is probably okay. "lose your inhibitions", however… no. Remain in control of your faculties, please. I've had to help more than one coworker who has drunk too much, and it is obnoxious, and it does lower my opinion of that person.

Don't feel obligated to drink alcohol, either. I wouldn't question it, and there are plenty of drinks that visually aren't distinguishable from alcohol if you need a cover (e.g., coke vs. rum and coke, sprite vs. gin and tonic), and a drink in the hand is a nice stressball of sorts. (And I've used "I have to drive later." as a reason to not have alcohol, but still enjoy the company of others.)

Yeah sorry, you're 100% correct.

Lose your inhibitions is bad advice, my point was more to go to the social gatherings, make an effort to relax and talk to people.

It's purely my own experience that alcohol helps with this, as I can identify with OP, and I've found alcohol to help with my own anxiety in these situations, and has helped me relate to people and make friends.

I don't want to be judgmental, and say this with the mildest of intentions (grandparent is just trying to make a contribution, and it would be good advice for some people), but as you point out - "lose your inhibitions" is worse advice than "be a traitorous arse". To someone who doesn't know how to do something, 'alter your mental state and hope that works' is useless advice because holding a drink doesn't magically teach you anything. In addition, the realistic worst case scenario of "be an arse" executed badly is it doesn't work out for you and you stop. The realistic worst case of purposefully upping your alcohol intake is physical danger and lawsuits if you are purposefully exploring new levels of inebriation.

Plus the original question is office politics. Socialising is a small component of office politics if you don't want to socialise.

That's an interesting way to look at it, and you're not wrong. The way I was considering it when I wrote the post was more along a consideration of the Golden Rule; that is, "drinking" is really only a danger to yourself (at least, to some degree; it is possible, I suppose, that you make decisions while under the influence that do effect others), whereas the other comment I was referring to is pretty encouraging active harm to other individuals. (Although, I suppose if you expect that that's the playing field, one could argue that it isn't a violation of the Golden Rule? That is, if it is "par for the course"? Nonetheless, it seems like a good way to ensure limited collective success, which is perhaps my real objection to it.)

Honestly, a good tip-- that is, if you're not prone to drinking alone, or to addiction.

It's a good tip because the OP needs just ONE interaction where he shows his colleagues that he is capable of the kinds of pleasant social interactions that they are.

This would break the ice for OP as well, knowing that his robotic reputation has been proved not totally correct, and will perhaps allow him to relax somewhat and take more risks socially.

Was going to say this, most office offsites have alcohol. Drink coffee with it if it makes you sleepy. Don't have more than one drink with each course. Don't drink while actually in the office (!), if you socialize enough at the offsites and smile at people, they won't care that you don't small talk at the coffee machine.

> go to it, drink, lose your inhibitions and talk to people.

Be careful, this can go sooooo badly!

Now you have two problems.

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