This article was so bad that a morbid fascination took over and I read the whole thing. I was gearing up to rip into this until I googled the author and saw they're only 24. I fell into cliche thought bubbles believing they were insight when I was 24 too.
Edit: Wait a sec, The Paris Review? Is this some clever Parisian social satire of the anglosphere? If so, those scamps got me.