How to Write a Condolence Letter

> “I’m not opposed to preprinted cards,” Cunningham said.

I think it's worth avoiding pre-printed cards. If you know the bereaved or the dead person well enough to want to express your condolences, then write a letter or note. It doesn't have to be more than a few sentences, unless you want to write more. Yes its a hard thing to do, but it's also necessary. And in my experience it can help the writer too.

Second that. What counts is a personal gesture. A plain white card will do. Write it by hand and put an envelope around it. Don't worry about the text too much. Make it short and respectful. And don't try to be too original, which might come across as intrusive.

I like the advice to not overthink it or try to write a perfect letter. I have this same problem, especially when it comes to condolence cards. I recently signed one with several coworkers for another coworker and I tried so hard to write something profound that I ended up writing something that I felt was really awkward to read. I should have just said what I felt: "I'm so very sorry for your loss."

Sometimes it is enough to tell people that you're here for them, to simply be present and acknowledge their loss. It is difficult to write such letters when you've not experienced loss yourself, and then when you have, you know how a good letter reads. The best are simple, hand-written notes that contain a brief sometimes funny story about the person you lost. Lastly, you make friends and lose friends during these periods as some expect you to get over your grief and others just hang in there with you.