When I travel through to my In-laws in WV we get no internet signal for about 2.5 hours. That has to be due to the low population in Western Maryland.
Last summer I found I could get about 3Mbps down from an AT&T tower that was two valleys away that was using 700 Mhz spectrum -- with a directional antenna.
In some of the more rural areas, the hilltops are roadless so any attempt to put in wireless infrastructure isn't just a matter of running wires for power and data, but actually building roads.
Further, since call signs are always written in uppercase (WRR-FM, KIRO-AM, KBTC-TV), some hams are apt to write the name of the hobby as HAM out of habit/solidarity.
So while you're technically right that "ham" is more of "ham-fisted" or "what a ham" variety, you're not following the internal culture.