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Comment by neogodless | Hacker News Reader

Before Firefox Multi-containers, Amazon decided my wife and I were pregnant. I've shared the story on Hacker News before, so I won't go into too much detail, but the short of it is - it decided (incorrectly) that we were pregnant, and started sending weekly "you're pregnant, read our tips, buy things" emails to me. As a couple with troubles conceiving... it was not welcomed. It was salt on a wound. And thus far, I have found no recourse. I'm uncomfortable that corporations can readily collect and analyze information about us, misinterpret it at times, and attempt to influence our behaviors and choices based on this. It's not a new problem - humans have done this before. Now computers do it, and very large companies that do not care about "rounding errors" are not really prepared to apologize or improve their systems to avoid causing some people emotional pain or any other problem.

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I'm reminded of a blog post about Facebook's "X years ago today" feature that has shown people pictures of dead children or other relatives, burned out houses, car accidents, and other memories that the algorithm chipperly suggests they share to their timeline. A lack of consideration is definitely a thing.

you can mark events or people to not show up

You can also turn it off completely now; I believe this wasn't always possible.

Yep. I got that on the one year anniversary of our dog (then a six month old puppy) running away, and my post letting everyone know and how to get in touch with me if they found him. Thankfully that had a happy ending and he's sleeping upstairs on the bed right now, but it wasn't something I really wanted to be reminded of. I can imagine how much worse I'd have felt if we weren't able to find him again, or found him dead on the side of the road or something.

My iPhone did this to me. I’m sure people get suggested to share memories of their abusive ex all the time. :(

When you change your marital status from married to divorce, Facebook offers to hide your former spouse from your feed, and won't show her (him) in memories either. So, while I like to bash on social networks as much as the next guy, they are trying to be helpful with things like these.

just like black mirror

There was the "this is what your year looked like" feature that was, uh..., not good to Eric Meyer.

https://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/2014/12/24/inadvertent-al...

Nordstrom thinks I'm an about-20 woman and sent me relevant ads in email for some time. I quite like Nordstrom but had to cancel because there was no way to tell them they were very wrong.

Youtube thinks I'm a conservative after I watched a few videos by Tim Pool.

Just about any service thinks my SO is a man.

Based on my Gmail ads Google thinks I want to meet up with single women in their 50s. I'm not sure if they think I am in my 50s or if I like older women.

It’s amazing how we have to cognizantly “open in private window” when we’re doing deep dives on things that we may disagree with.

The algo seems to assume you agree with everything you watch, so you have to be mindful of not sending it mixed signals.

I've actually conditioned myself to do basically anything in a private window. With Brave mobile I can keep YouTube playing ad-free with the screen locked (or on other screens), so it doesn't affect much there. Plus, it means I don't see other stuff filtering in that I'm not in the mood for (except their promoted crap that quite often has literally no relation to what I'm doing). I'll often even do it on browser too, simply because ad-free without thr tracking and being associated with my Gmail (which I really need to convince myself to get rid of)

I have to confess this never occurred to me but it's a great point.

Does anyone know how much a private window really helps? It should cut out cookies but does not hide your IP address or clickstream patterns.

> As a couple with troubles conceiving... it was not welcome

This reminds me that Skype insists on reminding me it’s Father’s Day. My father died when I was 11 and it’s still something that hurts even though I’m now in my 40s.

I previously disliked Skype because it’s terrible software, but the lack of any consideration or even any opt out makes me actively despise Skype. If I didn’t have to use it for work I’d drop it in a second.

I’m sure somebody, who’s had a perfect life, just didn’t think what effect a message like this might have. However, it does just seem like yet another example of how our industry can be so blinkered.

As much as I hate targeted advertising, which leaves you in a silo, categorised, with no hope of ever seeing an ad for something you would buy but didn't know existed.

But if drive past a billboard or there's a poster on the door you're going through, you'll still see this and it will probably bring up bad feelings. Is that correct? Or is it just that the targeted ones are trying to be more personal, whilst getting it so wrong?

No, it doesn't leave me with the same feeling, with Skype it feels really invasive and insensitive. It's also totally unnecessary. It's not a company trying to sell Father's Day cards, or a product of some sort, it's the messenger application I use for communicating with business colleagues. There is literally no need for it.

A billboard is impersonal. Reminding me to buy something for Mother's Day is temporarily irksome but I drive by and forget about it. In contrast, the vendors sending personalized 2-3 week flood of "HEY EPC HAVE YOU REMEMBERED YOUR MOTHER AND BOUGHT A MOTHER'S DAY GIFT YET?" emails every April/May buy themselves a permanent place in my .killfile. No, I don't expect every company I do business with to know my parents are dead, but let me opt out of this flood of crap every year.

I have a foreign name that is often incorrectly tagged as female because of a popular 90s TV show. I had many schoolteachers over the years make jokes about it which they thought were funny but I found hurtful. Getting a female-targeted mail ad is not very amusing after one or two times.

Everyone (generally) who emails me for the first time uses a misspelling of my surname as my given name. I like to think First Last is an easy pattern but obviously not. That all said, I feel your pain.

Yeah for some reason I've started getting snail mail marketing for expecting parents. We are on an IVF journey, and in the unfortunate event we don't get the result we want, I'm not looking forward to a poorly timed mailing.

> and started sending weekly "you're pregnant, read our tips, buy things" emails to me

Unsubscribe. It's Amazon not some shady co. Amazon doesn't email me, or my wife.

That's like slapping a crown on a rotting tooth and calling it good - you prevent the problem from affecting your daily life, but nothing has been fixed and the clock is ticking...

What's the problem at that point? That some algorithms on a faraway computer still think you might be pregnant? So?

The problem is that confidential details of your personal life which you have never agreed to share are being collected and arguably weaponized for the sake of financial gain.

That's a US problem more or less endemic to how the industry works. You can complain about it, but the best recourse is never using those companies again. Eventually, we'll all hopefully come to this conclusion and every cesspool of dark patterns will die somewhere we don't have to see it.

I'm very happy to hear it's less of a problem in other countries. I admire your optimism and hope for the same :)

Considering the number of items and significant chance of counterfeit, it's better just to stay away from Amazon.

I've not bought anything in 6 or so months from them. And I'm better for it. If I want 100% legit counterfeits, I can order from Aliexpress :-D

This response will satisfy probably no one, but the recourse is to stop using their service.

I might surprise you! I really have greatly diminished my Amazon spending. No more Prime, Subscription groceries/household items; I'll get my electronics at NewEgg, B&H/BuyDig or even Best Buy. Going to buy things other places while they're still around.

> As a couple with troubles conceiving... it was not welcomed. It was salt on a wound.

As a trans woman who repeatedly gets ads for period stuff, I feel much the same way.

At first, I thought it was cute. "Aww look, I even pass to the ad algorithm", and it eventually turned into "oh fuck, another reminder that my body is never going to work the way it was supposed to".

And it got stronger and stronger as time went on. It started with the occasional ad for pads in Gmail's promotions tab... then I started seeing ads for period products on Facebook... and then I repeatedly got ads inviting me to take part in clinical studies for painful periods and ads for all different kind of menstrual products, to the point where just loading Facebook would set off my dysphoria.

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