The web of the 90s is alive on tor. On tor the idea of running third party executable code in the age of spectre is (properly) seen as absurd. We just need to bring back webrings and we'll be set.

Since it's on tor there's no need for evil centralization for DoS protection since it's baked into the protocol. Additionally your onion vanity name you brute forced cannot simply be taken away from you if there's political or social pressure on your registrar or above.

No, we don't need gopher. We need people to stop running third party code like it's some normal thing. We need devs to stop making websites that don't render unless you run their code.

It's really not that hard to run a hidden service. No harder than running a webserver. And everyone's home connections are fast enough now.