I'm more held up by the other people at school than the school or profs themselves (though sometimes you just want to slap your prof silly, ya know?). Math class is one right now that is so bittersweet for this reason. I'm just foraying into multiple variables (calculus 2) and I'm so deeply fascinated by mathematics. I've never studied something that has such far-reaching and unexpected side effects for my consciousness. I don't know whether mathematics changes the structure of my brain, but it certainly changes the structure of my mind in ways I cannot describe to someone who hasn't done it.

So having to deal with mathematicians'/scientists'/engineers' egos, hearing the light snickering every time I ask anything less than a brilliant question, is extremely disheartening. At times I want to turn around and explain stern-facedly to please contribute or keep silent, this is the closest thing I have to a religion. But I lack the ability to deploy such a rebuke that would not detract overall from the learning environment, so I take the jibes. I swear, college isn't that different from high school. (it's been a while since high school, so maybe that's an exaggeration. but the social interaction has a real and discouraging potential for immaturity.)

Also, the strict time schedule around classes screws up my natural creative rhythm, and I'm still working on the concept of a school that addresses my kind of temporal sensibilities.

But yeah, I hear you.