You need to either wholeheartedly commit to that aspect and give up the tech (in a professional sense, have whatever hobby makes you happy) and find value and meaning in that, or go back to being "on the tools".
This dichotomy isn't unique to tech - as alluded to above, the trades have the same conflict - and people do shift between being "on the tools" and not.
But make no mistake - you can't do both. At least not for a sustainable period, effectively, if you are managing a decent number of people. So choose, and commit - at least for the period of that choice.