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Comment by pstuart | Hacker News Reader

Well, you certainly stop worrying about a lot of stupid shit, so that helps.

40+er here. I feel similarly. I wouldn't say I'm happier but I definitely worry a lot less about saying "no" and BS in general.

What's weird to me is that I never felt that transition happen. It just seems to have occurred over the last few years. A younger me had a real hard time saying no, now it's easy and liberating! I can't tell if it's an age thing or something else though.

38 and recently felt this transition happen. I realized that it's just as silly to constantly dwell on negative thoughts, as it would be on positive ones, so decided to try that for a few days.

I don't think I can transmit this feeling by explaining it, since it's something you can only decide for yourself, but I made the choice to focus on the positive. I still keep the cynical realness in the back of my mind, should I need it, but I don't want to spend most of my time there anymore.

It's been over a month now of much improved mood, hopefully this will stick.

Getting into Buddhist philosophy has helped me a lot with this. I'm no bubbly positive spirit or anything but I feel much more content and present over the last few months where I've finally dove in. Ram Dass is known for saying something along the lines of "You spend all of your time loving or hating things. Why not just love everything. It's easier."

If you're interested I'd recommend reading Thic Naht Hahn, Tolle, the Bhagavad Gita (get it with explanations, The Essence Of is great), etc.

I've found that whether or not I practice the teachings just continuing to read about them keeps me mindful.

And daily metta meditation.

Of a similar age. I've found that it's gotten way easier to have difficult conversations with people, and I attribute that to life experience and long-term perspective. A difficult conversation now can save ages of regret and ill will. Other people are responsible for their own feelings, even for their feelings about you. Sometimes you have to tell people things they don't want to hear. Things that will make them sad or angry. They may rage or cry. While sometimes those things are best left unsaid, other times you have to say them and face the consequences, knowing that it's better in the long run. The long run can be longer than you think.

I'm a similar age to you and I feel that around 40 people start to detach from their ego. How people view you becomes less important, and as a result you become more comfortable in yourself.

This is hands down my favorite change as I've gotten older. I just don't worry about so many things that I used to, and find that it's easier to focus on a few things that really matter to me.

Granted I have far more responsibility than when I was in my 20's, so I think it it's basically a wash there, but at least I'm not stressing about things that seemed really important over a decade ago.

I am in my 50s and also have stopped to worry about stuff. I also don't worry anymore about things "I should achieve". It hasn't happened until now so it probably ain't gonna happen ever. It's a thin line to walk though. I see people who don't ever seem to be be content, keep chasing things that they most likely won't achieve and are very frustrated with this. My body is also not getting any better so I have accepted that I shouldn't try stuff I did in my 20s.

To me it's a source of content and acceptance but depending on your personality it can go the other way.

I still have things I want to do but if they don't happen I am OK with that.

> It hasn't happened until now so it probably ain't gonna happen ever.

I think it's perfectly fine to be content with this perspective.

However, just a note that many, many people and figures past and present fell into their zone for the first time even in their 60s.

That may happen and would be great. I just don't think it's worth to put pressure on myself to achieve something I haven't been able to do for 30 years.

For example: I would love to run my own small company. But I have learned repeatedly that I am no good at selling and also not very creative in coming up with new products. So now I am content with a regular job.

I have literally written and erased 3 very long replies to your reply! I hope to one day be this wise in my later years.

There is a moment when you realise you can't change shit, and so you just accept that's the way it is.

That combined with being able to sift through the shit storm that life throws at you, for the ideals you want and ignoring the rest, helps a lot.

Agreed, I think in your 20s and 30s you’re generally driven to find your place in the world - career, marriage, parenting. By our 40s, most of us have found at least some of that, care less about the rest and are able to have a better perspective. Maybe not happier in the sense of elation, but more content, more aware of what you do have, and more ok with not being the superbeing you thought you needed to be to be happy.

What helps me is the idea of having a fixed amount of “worries”, which you received at birth. At the beginning you have plenty and you spent your “worries” on all the things.

And later you realize you just have this amount of “worries” left. So you better spend them wisely. ;)

Around 40 you realize that you'll die relatively soon, so a lot of things come into perspective and stop worry you. Yolo attitude helps to live happier.

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