Not a humblebrag- why I hide the fact that I went to elite schools (2014) | Hacker News Reader

Not a humblebrag- why I hide the fact that I went to elite schools (2014)

mommacommaphd.wordpress.com

6 pointschatmasta8 comments

Except this person DOES sound pretty snooty and self absorbed

Any style or substance signal(s) in particular, i.e., lots of personal pronouns?

The sheer length of the post, for one.

No one cares you went to Yale, they're just being polite and trying to be engaging. If you make it weird, you're making it weird not them. E.i: If someone asks what school you went to, tell them and ask where they went and try to find common experiences. Not hard, just regular social skills and psychology 101 -- the more you make someone talk about thenlm the less you're talking about you.

I get it, I grew up in France and people always latched on to that fact when meeting me. Frankly I found it bizarre when I moved here (who cares where you grew up, and France isn't that exotic anyways imho.) What I realized is that most of the time they don't want to talk about my France -- they want to talk about their European experiences traveling/studying

> No one cares you went to Yale

This is not entirely true. People from Yale care (generally speaking). You can actually leverage connections with people who went to the same school and who think that it made a difference to them.

Speaking as someone who came from an obscure school this surprised me when I noticed it.

absolutely -- that's the 'finding common experiences' part of social skills I was referring to. If two people went to different schools but were both on the fencing team you can leverage that in the same way you can leverage that you went to the same alma mater.

Yeah, I went through a phase where I’d be hyper-aware if talking about elite or exotic things with people. It’s pretty patronizing, that I or anyone would think that the other person couldn’t handle the conversation or something, when most people would just think ‘oh cool!’ and then try to find as much common ground with you as you do with them.

It’s born out of insecurity. So now I definitely mention anything about myself, and appreciate that other people do the same.

What strikes me most about this article is how the author only sees these comments as personal slights and not as the social hooks they are (probably mostly) intended to be. It's a common way to strike up a conversation by latching on to an interesting fact and instead of responding with humor or grace.

Saying a "school in New England" might solve the temporary problem of awkwardness, but it really throws away a chance to connect with people or to stand out positively for something rightfully earned. This is a lack of deft social skills and being uncomfortable in your own skin.

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