What do first-class closures have to do with anything?
As far as being turing complete, CSS is supposedly that, also, so good luck with that.
Here's a guy who developed a closure "library" for C: https://nullprogram.com/blog/2017/01/08/
It's clever, but he actually had to resort to assembly...
Actually, IMO if you are using closures for events that are more than 5 or so statements (i'd say lines but people love to pack their lines with multiple statements), you are doing a disservice for every poor soul who will have to understand your code later.