Comment by mk89 | Hacker News Reader

Comment by mk89 | Hacker News Reader

On your own, you can do two things:

1) Leave ASAP

2) Take this as an opportunity to learn something which is really common with (senior) SW developers

I am not gonna tell you that (2) is easy. It's actually extremely hard, it can get even harder than what you think right now. However, time-box your learning experience: how long before you leave? how long before you have a nervous breakdown? In the meantime, try to learn as much as possible about communication with this difficult colleague. Some resources you might want to use are

- Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

- Getting to Yes: Negotiating an agreement without giving in

- Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Then you can follow any other advice given here, like talk to your manager, etc. However, be cautious there, especially when talking about someone that has already some sort of power.

I had a manager once, that most of the organization thought was an incompetent hardass. However I just treated him the same way I would any computer API I had to interact with (although a rather buggy, undocumented API).

First, I would have to figure out what he was asking. Then from there (through a series of probing questions presented in a casual conversation style) I would get to what he actually wanted to accomplish. This was often cloaked in secrecy, mostly because he didn't realize that details are important. Finally I would get to what he actually needed.

So I would ignore what he said he wanted, give him what he needed, but dress it up in a way so that it looked like it was what he wanted. I can't tell you how much better of a solutions provider and communicator I've become out of that ordeal.

I am going with option (2). I am not good at communication skills and I want to learn how to interact with others.

Very wise choice. This will help you in life, not just with this difficult guy.

Also, beware that even after you have mastered all the great communication skills you want, etc., you might still not get what you want. It takes a lot of effort, trial and error, and patience. At a certain point, if you see it's not worth, in the worst case, you've learnt something.

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