The docs about it are fairly straight forward:
http://developer.apple.com/library/mac/#documentation/Cocoa/...
Instruments makes it exceedingly simple to track down leaks.
While the iPhone 4 could probably handle a GC in most cases, the iPad less capable.
XCode is a personal preference.
I dunno, the time I've spent with Android, and A/B'ing respective apps, Android has almost always "felt" slower. I get that's totally subjective, but that's been my impression. For example, Angry Birds on the Galaxy Tab versus Angry Birds on the iPad are no where near the same experiences. The Galaxy Tab is jerky and slow, while the iPad is smooth.
I still don't get why memory management is so hard for you though.