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Comment by ceceshao1 | Hacker News Reader

Was a bit surprised to see this piece from VentureBeat (guess that's why they called it OffBeat). My family has been taking care of my grandmother who has Alzheimers and Parkinsons and it's taken a tremendous toll on everyone, especially my father who is the main caretaker.

As someone in tech, it's stories and experiences like this that make me wonder if we're working towards something that will help those in need or if we're investing our time/money/energy in the right places. After all, everyone is going to die so I'm wondering what we can do to alleviate some of the pressure + pain from this part of life.

In this vein, if you know of opportunities to help the elderly in NYC, please let me know. I'm open and willing to spend my evenings and full weekends helping out however I can. Have reached out to a few senior centers, but most have not responded, unfortunately...

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> if we're investing our time/money/energy in the right places

Considering that the biggest technology companies are advertisers, data-collectors and shopping oriented, my initial feeling is "absolutely not".

But it's also hard to get people engaged to trying to help the elderly, until they see the struggle in front of them. Which I'm sure many don't.

I used to work as a elderly-care assistant in Sweden, and while helping with medicin, cleaning and other things are important, most of the people just want to have some company once in a while, and was incredibly grateful for being able to have a honest conversation with a non-doctor.

So my recommendation would be to reach out to elderly-care homes in NYC, and ask them if they need help with basic tasks on weekends/evenings. With that, you'll get time to interact with them as well (although, maybe all this works differently in the US, I have no idea).

There are services in NYC where you can volunteer to simply talk to lonely elderly (or play card games or some other activity) in your neighborhood. I can't provide a link right unfortunately. You have to sign up, they'll verify you and then they'll connect to some lonely elderly in your area. Loneliness and isolation is understated.

My wife and I did this as our first date when we first started dating; we're both Christian if you're wondering why someone would do this on a first date. Unexpectedly, the lady we were to visit literally lived her last hour before she passed away before our eyes. We listened and comforted her husband for the next hour or so. We also listened to the CNA make the difficult calls to her children, some of which were out of state. It was a somber and humbling experience. Our seniors need love just as much as we do.

Wow that's a pretty intense experience for a first date.

and probably the reason they are married.

we're both Christian if you're wondering why someone would do this on a first date

What does both of you identifying as christian have to do with anything? Are non-christians less likely to do empathetic things?

It's certainly worth knowing that Christianity, like most religious beliefs or philosophies, does not have a monopoly on empathy, kindness, or service, nor is its profession a guarantee that someone makes those things a studied part of their practice.

But the commentor's claims seem limited to Christianity as a motivator for their behavior, which is hardly objectionable and a very different thing from your challenge-reading of their words.

Well, according to some statistics yes...

https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2017/oct/30/religious-p...

but saying christians visit the elderly for a first date does not necessarily imply nobody but christians are generous in any way.

Well, according to some statistics yes...

And there it is.

While I'm sure a study conducted by the "Institute on Faith & Giving" and published by a Moonie paper is objective it misses quite a bit by assuming that donating to charity is the only measure of empathy or generosity.

https://www.philanthropy.com/article/America-s-Generosity-Di...

Take a look a the states that rank towards the bottom of the list (mostly New England) and those that rank at the top (e.g. Alabama). Or take a look at how empathy is framed as a McCain vs Obama thing. What's missing from that sort of narrative is that Obama pushed government welfare where McCain fought it, that Massachusetts will have far more mature safety nets than Alabama. Supporting universal access to health care is no less empathetic than donating to a religious charity, the only difference is in who you trust to dole out the resources.

Another difference would be that the kind of redistribution Obama favors is compelled for one side of the equation while charity is more or less voluntary depending upon your vision of what the divine requires.

Another difference would be that the kind of redistribution Obama favors is compelled for one side of the equation

Sure, and there are plenty of welfare programs that predate Obama. Welfare programs that were, in large part, created by elected officials.

As others have pointed out, I mainly mentioned our faith as the reason that drives us to serve the greater community such as the seniors at the hospice care center we visited; I almost didn't but i thought it was worthwhile given it's probably an uncommon first date.

I have and love many family members and friends who aren't Christian who of course have done similarly empathetic things out of the goodness of their heart; I'm sure we can all name such people in our lives - we should share their stories too.

I really appreciate the author and in light of this story, all the health care employees who work tirelessly to support and care for the ailing and downtrodden. This is what "loving your neighbor as you would love yourself" means.

This sounds perfect - if you can dig up the link, that would be great!

I apologize for offering totally unsolicited commentary, especially if it's unhelpful, but your grandmother's condition sounds similar to what my grandmother suffered from. We thought she had Alzheimers and Parkinsons, but a postmortem analysis by the folks at UC Davis showed that she had dementia with lewy bodies [0], which shares symptoms with both of those diseases but is treated somewhat differently. I mention it only because the treatment for some of her symptoms ended up making things worse and are contraindicated for DLB patients.

I'm sorry for what your family is going through. It took a profound toll on our family, too.

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dementia_with_Lewy_bodies

I used to volunteer at a senior community center in NYC and I've tried to do it in a few other locations. If you offer to help in a non-specific way, you likely won't hear back. There may also be liability issues they want to avoid, depending on the manner in which you'd be helping. I got replies when I offered to tutor people.

You have a good heart - I hope you keep at it, even if it means just keeping the elderly company or helping with simple tasks; they and the senior center staff will certainly appreciate it.

Sam Gerstenzang (formerly of a16z) runs Umbrella [1]. You should check it out.

[1] https://www.askumbrella.com/

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