NYT writer pats own back, backhands hubbie, agonizes over bad marriage. Enjoy

What I've always found frustrating is that I've never been able to get a female partner to recognise in conjunction the following key points:

1) She has different expectations of what needs to be done around the house. 2) That this fact doesn't entitle her to conclude automatically that she is doing MORE of the work around the house. Because what 'needs' to be done first NEEDS to be negotiated.

Similarly, this author doesn't seem to express any sort of awareness that this negotiation needs to take place. The thought process as it seems to consciously render in their brains is:

1) Outcome X is a need of the house. 2) Division of labour in a marriage for 'needs of the house' must be divided 50/50 3) Current split is 70/30 in favour of the woman (i.e. she is doing more work). 4) Therefore, work must be divided more equitably - with the man doing more work.

This is perfectly logical. Men generally accept the argument is valid, and that premises 2 and 3 are true. They just often dispute the truth of premise 1. But no matter how hard I've tried - I've never even been able to get acknowledgement that 1) could be false, let alone a change in stance about whether or not outcome X is actually needed. Hence it never even gets to the stage of negotiation.

Given that they won't acknowledge that 1) needs to be up for negotiation. I've only ever really been able to conclude that what is REALLY passing through a woman's brain (as opposed to how it appears to them) - goes like this:

1) I want outcome X 2) I would like to expend less effort in obtaining what I want, so that I can have more of what I want. 3) Division of labour in a marriage for 'wants of the woman' must be divided 50/50 percent 4) Current split is 70/30 in favour of the woman (i.e. she is doing more work). 5) Therefore, work must be divided less equitably - with the man doing more work.

Yes - I'm very.... very single.

The cure: both people must accept that the other person may actually have a good idea occasionally.

This is easily applied to startups -- I'm at my third startup and after the initial push, rush and execution, when you're entering your 3rd or 4th year... It's hard to get really amped about work. It's hard to get excited about working from home. It's hard to keep focused and motivated. It's hard to break what has become routine. So how do you do it?

If her solution for her marriage was parlayed into startups it would be to ... act a little more unemployed. Get hungry.