Unfortunately my hospice volunteering sent me further into depression, perhaps even an existential crisis. I knew the impact of hospice and that was enough reason to put myself in the situation where maybe I could help.

The patient I was working with had a stroke. He was paralyzed, completely bedridden, and unable to speak. Despite his ailments, he was able to hear & see properly and thus able to understand me. I would read him books and magazines. Deep down I knew he understood & enjoyed it but the lack of feedback of any kind was frustrating despite knowing his situation was far worse.

After months of volunteering, the following day I go in and his bed is empty. As I left, my soul felt emptier than that bed. Is this what my future could entail? Those types of thoughts ate away at me. It was bad enough for me to consider them but far worse to view my own thoughts void of morality and so focused on my self.

I wish I could tell myself I'm in a better position today. For today at least, I'll try.