Idea of suicide comes when there is pressure to deliver. Like someone yelling at you to get a job. Or constantly calling you worthless because of some personality trait. Or when there is a scenario where if not something gets accomplished then disaster will follow.
> behaviour of people and how they constantly invalidate me... Reality can just hate a person.
... That you can't escape.
> like putting a downpayment on a house and people refuse to consider it medical treatment.
So you face this endless pain and don't have an escape.
You can blame everyone from childhood to current trends for the situation you are in now. But for as long as you do not conform, you will feel like you don't belong. And so you will seek an escape, but there are none. So you will be tired. You won't have the energy to stay your own person, so you will be suicidal.
You are not trans as you like to believe. You are a human who wants to constantly fight your environment and not conform. Calling your self trans is just one way of doing that.
So stop fighting. Learn to live. Learn to love yourself. Just as you are. Without changing. Then learn to love those around you. Then the things around you. Then the ideas around you. Hate nothing. That is evil for you.
From the book 7 habits, proactive people love first and then feel love. No medicine or surgery can change that.
Finally, read Feeling Good by David Burns. I did. :)
You seem to be a very shallow person with no depth to write what you have. Seems like you're an evil force I've encountered by fate and similar as other forces i've experienced but I prefer that label for what's best described by the word faith.
People live through whatever is destined and some are just worse off than others because we live in a society under the illusion of free will by religion.
What happens to us is not of our wish. It is of his. How we react is in OUR hands.
Don't kill yourself. Just because you believe the world should be treating you a certain way but it is not, is not a good reason to die. It is selfish.
You took up resources in this world. In a first world nonetheless. You took away someone else's opportunity to have what you have. You need to give back. And giving up does not do that.
We live for others. We live for community. We live to bring others happiness. We live to protect others from the problems we faced. We live to rescue others from what we were rescued from.
From the beginning of your comments, you get offended. You don't like things being phrased a certain way. You don't like what you hear. True judgement is not embedded in your emotions. It is when you are free of it. But you are not. So it remains that your judgement is compromised.
You called me an evil force. When I only help you find reasons to live. You commit to suicide. And then instill in others reason to die. What is evil here?
A long time ago I made a comment here on HN. You should read it. Free yourself from ego, arrogance, entangled thoughts, and so on. Read: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14439600
The lord is giving me a death by having suicide in this reality as my natural death. :)
Your ignorance to face reality makes me assume the lord didn't choose to share it with you. All you have written are incorrect assumptions and compared to I; who can see the true intentions of fate.
You should be gracious the outcome of this conversation is me just offended at ignorance. I pity the few souls I've encountered for what I've shortly witnessed in reading these brief paragraphs and they've likely been of similar nature while communicated to others. Persons who cannot see reality for how it is and thus blamed people like you with thinking you all have free will. Evil isn't death. Evil is forcing good intentions upon others and as if you're from on high in judgement.
People will eventually lose their ego by not assuming they've become themselves by their own actions. People are forced into experiences until they die and for the purpose of the more privileged that are born later or the few that happen to be perfectly fated for the current system that's society.
No, that's externalizing. Reality doesn't hate you.
The nature of any dysphoria leads one to deny reality as it is though, and presume a lot about it that is objectively false-- your brain lies to you about the way you understand reality and convinces you that in order to correct it you so can understand it, you need to seek solutions that are unaffordable, harmful or otherwise impossible/out-of-reach.
Because humanity is generally retarded we celebrate or demonize things we don't understand instead of actually working to understand them. What gets lost in the zeitgeist of promoting "LGBTx uber alles" and tarring the skeptics as *phobes is that expensive surgery, a lifetime of HRT and a premature cancer death--getting everything you think you need to feel whole--won't necessarily steer you away from suicide either, because the fundamental problem has more to do with what's between your ears than what's between your legs. Post-ops are still something like 20x more likely to commit suicide than the general population; hardly counts as a success story when it comes to harm reduction or enacting effective medical prognoses.
I hope you find happiness through GRS or otherwise. I also hope it comes sooner rather than later so you don't suffer any longer than you have. But if you ever do find yourself on the edge of that cliff, at least consider for a second that you're so dissatisfied because you've been trying to address the wrong problem this whole time.
Reality can make one human suffer compared to another that doesn't suffer because of displacement rooted in nature and where the result was not equal experiences; when it came to evolution. Nobody has any control in their life at the fundamental level and because we're all just input/output by the forces exerted upon us.
I've been damaged by a reality that was shit for transgender kids when I was young and now reality has been changing for future kids that are lgbtq. You're labouring under delusions with the nonsense you wrote.
So if you don't have a job and can't find a job, and then you feel bad about yourself, the thought of suicide comes for example when you are about to lose everything you have worked hard for and/or will cause great pain to those around you and/or are judged by your peers as a complete loser and/or exiled from their community.
Can't explain better than that.