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Comment by solresol | Hacker News Reader

I have nothing to do with this thread, but felt like answering anyway...

1. Very few people leave a legacy. The people that do often didn't do it deliberately or intentionally.

2. They don't. There might be a few people half your age that know as much about programming as you do, but the majority don't. In any case, you are the worst person to judge what special thing you bring to the table. Go and ask one of these young people that you fear / respect / admire / think are knowledgeable and ask them to tell you what value you bring. The answer will surprise you.

3. A lot of people have pondered the meaning of life. Opinions differ on whether we've made any progress on that question. It's OK to go on a journey of "spiritual discovery" at 37; it doesn't require heading overseas to a monastery.

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Thanks for your reply. I would love to take a break and explore the spiritual side of me, but it would need too much of rearranging my life and it may not be worth it. As such I am scared of drastic change, this would just add to the anxiety. Anything I can do with my current flow of life?

Start meditating, check out the book "Mind Illuminated"

+1 for "Mind Illuminated". Culadasa has done great work in synthesising many techniques - try it!

I feel compelled to answer here, mostly because I've been and to a degree still are where you are.

It's extremely common to gradually move into a state of mind where you denigrate yourself – and the effort you've put forth in life. You need to ensure your own happiness, and no one in here, or anywhere else, can tell you how to do that. Mindfulness is a great tool, because it allows you to become more certain of yourself. To discover what it is that you feel and where it is you need to go.

That being said, here's what works for me: Acknowledging that creation is hard, but that I love creating and helping people around me. That family is important and love even more so. I also remind myself to do something new every day that somehow moves the boundary of what it means to be me.

Added note: A book that also helped me realise my own tendency to create barriers around myself was "The Flinch" by Julien Smith. It's awesome and I highly recommend giving it a read – and practice some of what it champions. I suspect you will gain a lot from it, but then again: Only you can know that.

Read some philosophy books. I like pondering koans too. Some other things might be to start enjoying community.

Check out The Power Of Now audiobook. As soon as you realize you are not living in the present moment, all of a sudden you are living in the present moment. It’s hard while coding. But stepping back even if you have to set a timer every few minutes to fully feel your body could help. Also, getting and staying in the flow state is very similar. That’s a worthy goal to start with. Hope that helps.

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