As for a society honouring it's heroes, it rings a bit hollow when it through persecution killed said heroes. Being honoured when you're dead does you very little good.
I’d rather not have every single bit of communication contain a reminder of some past horror.
Yes.
"If history were different and he were hit by a bus or lived a long life, he would still be an icon, no?"
Yes, but in that situation he would not be such an icon for disenfranchised minorities because the nonsense gay people had to deal with back then wouldn't have been so visible. Are there any other people from that particular point in time and location who are remembered for suffering and dying as he did?
In other words, he's an icon to different people for different reasons? That makes sense.
Young people want to learn about heroes that are like them.
Perhaps some people feel “empowered” by a victim mentality, but that doesn’t seem very socially progressive to me.
The reason we should talk about his fate is that I don't believe in white-washing history. Society was full of assholes who had no problem destroying the lives of people who were different. Keeping light of these atrocities fresh in peoples' minds provides for a mechanism to show the progress of society and helps prevent regressions.