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Comment by squish78 | Hacker News Reader

I'm amazed at the responses and downvotes to this comment. Is everyone terrified of small talk with their neighbors?

I live in a place where the neighbors are likely to talk about their religion, their football team, their other football team, their kids, their kid's football team, something implicitly racist, something explicitly racist, their job/boss/business (or lack thereof), or their vehicle. I'd only want to hear about two of those things.

I'd prefer to talk about events or ideas, or activities that interest me. It's far easier to join an online discussion already in progress to feel less isolated in South Bumblefart, USA.

I have found that familiarity does sometimes breed contempt, but absence does not always make the heart grow fonder.

It's hard to make friends when you assume you're superior to everyone

im In the same position a lot of the time when meeting new people. It’s not because I feel superior, I just lack interest and any knowledge of sports and cars and most topics that a lot of other people use for small talk.

Now, if they want to talk about that time their fighter gutted an orc with an awesome double crit, I’m all ears, but Cowboys losing to some other team in sportsball, not so much.

Exactly this. Superiority has nothing to do with it.

Some people have uncommon interests or opinions, and may be reticent about sharing them in the absence of some enabling signal, as one can be punished socially just for having them.

It doesn't help that my employer has a mainstream dress code. If I saw an exact copy of myself before or after work, I wouldn't want to talk to it, unless we were in a nerd haven.

I've had too many conversations that bring in early "so what church y'all go to?" or "what's your football team?". The wrong answers can get you a "bless your heart," which seems to be Southern for "fuck off, asshole". Wearing a Chicago Cubs tee-shirt sometimes invites conversation, but my spouse is the fan that live-streams every MLB broadcast that isn't regionally blacked out, and for me it's really more a signal for "I'm from the Midwest." The Chicago skyline on my usual payment card has sometimes unintentionally served the same purpose from restaurant servers and cashiers who are also ex-Chicago-residents.

It's why I'm considering a nerd tattoo, like "e^pi*i=-1" or the Fano plane mnemonic for octonion multiplication, or a space-filling model of my favorite molecule, benzaldehyde.

I live in a big city in the Northeast and 90% of my neighbors barely speak English. I really don't see the point.

You could learn another language yourself. They say it's good for the brain anyway.

No, they feel it's so simplistic it borders on insensitive. This isn't about small talk.

I can't think of a single friendship that didn't start with small talk. I never expect a leap into deep philosophical quandaries with a stranger. Willingness to chitchat about mundane things creates a foundation of trust and familiarity that has led to many deep and meaningful relationships over the years.

It may be the start, but it's facetious to suggest that it is all that is sufficient to form friendships and community.

I agree with you, and never suggested that it is all that is sufficient. It is a foundation from which deeper friendships and community will occur. Knowing someone starts with meeting someone

I think saying "so easy to solve" is a gross over-simplification and insensitive.

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