Birds Aren't Real

One of many hidden gems in this piece:

John F. Kennedy was the President at this time, and had tapped the phone of Alvin B. Cleaver (Internal Communications Director for the CIA). Kennedy believed that Cleaver was stealing his ham sandwich from the White House Kitchen, and vowed to catch him speaking about it over the phone. Instead, he heard a highly sensitive conversation that Cleaver was having with Dulles. In it, Cleaver said," yeah Allen. I've stolen John's lunch again haha, he doesn't even know. I'm going to keep stealing it until he launches a full investigation. Then I'm going to plant a hidden camera and catch his reaction as [I] dump all the stolen sandwiches on his desk at one time. I'm going to call the new show 'You've Been Cleavered'.

The other day I was standing in a Target checkout line and the guy in front of me asked the cashier "Where are the dead birds? Think about it, there are millions of birds, but you don't ever see dead birds. Well, occasionally, but it's rare compared to how many there are."

I don't understand what this is supposed to be, other than bad, poorly-labeled fiction. Can anyone explain?