Poverty is not a choice (any more than drug addiction is a choice). But we prefer to blame the victims because it's easier than looking in the mirror and accepting our role in the mess.
My own experiences have opened my eyes to how abusive people can be, and perhaps this is a significant aspect of the stories of people who have failed to thrive. I don't know everyone's experience -- this is just mine.
Actually, I've often been afraid, or ashamed, to speak about the unfortunate circumstances of my life, and I've never known where to get help. I mentioned it here[1], recently on HN. The discussion there made me wonder if it is better for people like me to share their stories.
It's interesting that in the public conciousness, there is such a vocal push back against abuse, tyranny and even victim blaming. Of course it does still happen, even with consensus being against it. Most reasonable people do not appeal to living such a world, but there is an unfortunate hypocritical nature in humanity, where while people don't want to live in such a world, some of the same people are keen to take advantage, and in ways can be submissive to bullies and tyrants.
I wonder how many people there are out there with stories like mine, who have survived pscyhopathic aggression and extreme bullying, but with irreperable social or professional lives and nobody to fall back on.
I think history is full of examples of people who have been victim to such crazy, immoral things. And of course everyone says in retrospect, "if I had been there, I'd have done something."
As the learning experience of life, I realize that much of what Americans believe is a lie and that they cling to ideas and beliefs that aren't helpful for them in their circumstances: aspirational "rich" people who take up attitudes and political fashions that hurt themselves and let themselves be divided-and-conquered with artificial divisions until we're atomized and estranged from one another into seemingly virtual isolation. Plus, there's American hyper-individualism and anomie of discontent and hopelessness that's degrading the society from a network of communities into a Kafkaesque Lord of the Flies, anarcho-vulture-capitalist nightmare. American "exceptionalism" now seems to mean "If I get mine, screw everyone else."
One thing I learned from my experiences is "to be the change I hope to see in the world."
In my case, I could have made my life about revenge, but I chose to move on. When the bullying, stalking and pscyhopathy followed me, one of my coping mechanisms was to start complaining about the world. After all, my world really was crazy.
I see you doing this in your post. And I'm sorry if that sounds condescending, but I don't intend it to--I do the same thing. So it may be possible that you should seek the ideals and virtues which you desire in the world as goals within yourself. If you're not dealing with a kind of extreme bullying, I think you should have a chance to thrive if you can find a lucky break getting someone to take another chance on you. An engineering degree from a top school is a marketable asset.
I haven't tried finding a job for years now. I got overwhelmed with all these attacks that were happening to me, what to do about it, and have frankly had some PTSD about it. So maybe I'm speaking from ignorance about finding someone to give you another chance. Especially back in America... I suppose it is hard to build momentum again.
Wait til you realize all of those things are also true.
Then you’ll be really lost.
Eventually you have to accept that we either make our own truth, or defer to an authority.
Reality isn’t consistent from person to person. We are in a mutuality with the world that both observes and constructs itself.
We can find other people who we “track” with, for a time, in some slice of life. But if you want to stay in that place, you’ll need to discount some conflicting bits of those people, which takes you back to choosing your reality.
I have similar background and problem, just wonder how and if you can define yours.
Yeah, some people make bad decisions. We. All. Do. The difference is, some are more unlucky than others. Life is hard. I'm not sure why we go out of our way to make it hard for others (who need our help).
I wish I knew where to get help. I just want to have a normal life.