"You didn't do this assignment"
"Er, yes I did, here it is"
"Well, you didn't keep me up-to-date on it"
"Er, here are my weekly status report e-mails"
"But you know I don't read my e-mails"
Huh?
Another good one was the following: I had assigned one of my reports a task before going on vacation. During said vacation, my "manager" pulls said report from that task. Then afterwards dings me for that task not being completed.
Huh?
"We're not paying you your bonus"
"Why?"
"You have to know that yourself".
"I do not, and no, that's not how this works"
"I won't tell you"
Fortunately that was in Germany, so not just crazy, but also illegal.