"Could you please" is pretty universally considered basic politeness. I wouldn't consider it to be especially soft. "Do it now" is really an escalation to be used only if someone is somehow not understanding that they're being given a direct order.

But then I'm British and apparently we're odd like that :)

As for being seen to be acting like a man - seen that way by who, unforgiveable according to who, and do they actually matter?

I can't say I've heard someone complaining their female manager was acting like a man, or saying they wish their manager would be more feminine. I hear people quite often wishing their managers would be more decisive though.