I realize this was meant to be sarcastic. However, I whole-heartedly and unironically agree. For writing small bits of configuration, just about any language will be fine. For large amounts of configuration, as is required for... oh, I dunno, let's say deploying software in the cloud, all the commonly used languages are a disaster.

Data serialization languages (like JSON, INI, XML, etc) lack the power to describe large configurations. There's no way to define an abstraction and then use it in multiple places. There's no way to constrain what is considered correct. You end up with tens of thousands of lines of very, very repetitive structures that are very fragile and hard to change.

General purpose languages are also bad for writing configurations. Yes, they're very powerful. That's not a feature when it comes to configuration. If you have a program that emits a configuration, the only thing you can do with it is run it, then inspect the resulting configuration. You can't inspect or transform the program at the level of the configuration semantics. You can't ensure that the configuration will have specific properties. You can't even ensure that the program will, in fact, emit a configuration.

So yeah, we need new configuration languages that lie in between data serialization languages and general purpose computing languages. We're starting to see them. HCL is awful, but it was an attempt at solving this problem and a move in the right direction. Jsonnet is maybe better better? I dunno, I've never tried it. Dhal is interesting, though difficult for non-Haskellers to approach. CUE is also interesting. Bravo!