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Comment by m463 | Hacker News Reader

I don't think you will ever convince someone they're wrong.

I'm reminded of the beginning of "How to Win Friends and Influnce People" by Dale Carnegie. It spoke of a man who murdered a policeman when he asked to see his driver's license. He went through a trial and ended up in the electric chair. I think the point was the guy didn't say "This is what I get for killing someone" instead he said "This is what I get for defending myself"

You should not let people like this torment you so.

Instead, become a zen master. Develop openness, curiosity and a sort of lighthearted kindness. No scowling or taking things personally from unenlightened troglodytes. You live in the clouds!

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The presence of the term "gaslighting" in the comment you are replying to implies that this might be a situation involving narcissism. It's all very well, in a pop psych way, to tell someone "be more zen", but there is little useful overlap between that advice and the course of action that is usually recommended for people dealing with a serious narcissist (to get away from them any way you can).

I don't think you're helping by bringing positive pop psychology and generic consumer zen "mastery" to what is effectively a borderline clinical mental health situation. Narcissism and gaslighting (whatever the actual situation described in the previous comment) are way beyond what can be smoothed away with equanimity and a good attitude. It's unhelpful and a bit condescending to suggest otherwise.

The above situation seems to happen at work, and it's unusual for people with personality disorders to simultaneously have major breaks with reality at work and be undiagnosed long-term. It's odd that it's the first interpretation you are choosing to address (by calling somebody else condescending to boot), although yes, the proper reaction to people with issues that severe is backing away slowly, so it's worth being said to cover all the bases.

Gaslighting doesn't necessarily imply narcissism - it applies any time someone persistently attacks another person's confidence in their own view of reality (starting with just contesting their recollections, moving on to actively messing with their environment).

I was thinking - don't make it your mission to prove a jerk is wrong, don't engage.

So our attitude to others should be more like Wally and less like Dilbert and Alice? I like it! And I may add, “Mission Accomplished”, though it took me over 30 years.

"Early civilizations had no concept of zero."...

> You should not let people like this torment you so. Instead, become a zen master. Develop openness, curiosity and a sort of lighthearted kindness. No scowling or taking things personally from unenlightened troglodytes. You live in the clouds!

Basically, be passive and bully will surely go away theory. If he wont go away, just accept to be a doormat.

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