You're not the first to have "strong negative opinions" about putting business logic in an RDBMS.
Now, that's not quite what you said! You're against "putting a web development platform entirely inside an RDBMS", and this much I agree with.
But you seem to object to putting business logic in the RDBMS as well, and I want to tell you why I don't agree with that.
The problem with not putting business logic in an RDBMS is that you risk ending up with an application which evolves towards... implementing features already provided by the RDBMS.
You also need to be very careful with direct DB access, since anything you do there will not be implementing a lot of your business logic. This means you can't use things like PostgREST to get a REST API for free. Conversely, if you do want to use PostgREST or alike, you must move your business logic into the RDBMS.
Now, I understand not wanting to do this with Oracle. There are many reasons for that. And I understand not wanting anyone to write an interpreter in a PL/SQL! I also understand not wanting static HTML and other such resources stored in the DB -- there's nothing wrong with using a filesystem and $FAVORITE_VCS for that, and indeed, the version control in Aquameta is something I don't quite approve of. But none of that says you shouldn't have business logic in the RDBMS.