I lived abroad in the past. Had a much better life and healthcare. But now that savings is so small and my health so limited I cannot just "move". I wouldn't be able to sustain myself financially. There are immigration requirements I cannot meet. I would love nothing more to leave. But even then things are so bad with pain and health I would never have a good life, maybe just a survivable one in a more comfortable environment for me. But again, the consequences of what was done to me here has taken away the ability to immigrate as per usual. An amazing member of this site once offered to help me with his company abroad and I fought to make that happen but more and more health and financial issues kept hitting me and I couldn't make it happen. When even such an accommodative thing won't work out it robs you of all hope. Occasional rants, when energy and pain allows (the real killer), seem my only attribute at this point. The dying gasps of an angry man.