My Failed Attempts to Get My Money from Coinbase

I used to be jaded and say "well that's what you get for trusting xyz!" But really this isn't an adult response-- if some entity wants to pretend that it is an real business that can hold onto your valuables, then it needs to be held responsible for when it makes an oopsie.

If Coinbase lost your car, or USD, or security deposit, or whatever else you sent to them, then a court of law (with all regrettable fees) needs to get involved. Check which jurisdiction you need to pay money to just to serve them legal papers and then maybe their ass will get into gear and suddenly your money will be found.

Good luck!