Stop Trying to Raise Successful Kids | Hacker News Reader

Stop Trying to Raise Successful Kids

theatlantic.com

15 pointsadrian_mrd3 comments

I’m not convinced that kindness beyond the normal expectations is something that you want your kids to aspire to. We’re living in an increasingly cut throat and polarized country and while it’s important to provide culture normative empathy in order to avoid being ostracized, going beyond that is likely to your own personal detriment. In the workplace the liars, cheaters and backstabers are the ones that get promoted so why not just skip to the end point and tell your kid that those are the behaviors that it’s ok to engage in these behaviors in order to be successful

One of the "points" of having kids, if there is any, is that you can impose on them, in some limited degree, the future you want to see.

Now, of course, they graduate and move out and then the real world starts repeatedly smacking them over the head until they learn to coexist with the current realities. But that happens with the current success-oriented parenting styles, too. Lots of kids work hard to succeed at the achievement markers, develop some notion of entitlement and self-import, and then graduate into being burnouts, addicts, and recluses - if they didn't already become anxious messes from the workload. It's not helped by driving that lesson harder and deeper.

Balance is more important. If they experienced balance as kids, they stand a chance of finding their way out of imbalance as adults and in turn fighting to bring about the world they want to see, instead of navigating blindly from a point of despair.

Developing kindness isn't the only thing to ensure balance, for sure, but it's one reasonable starting point.

Yes, if your goal is to raise sociopaths, that sounds optimal.

There is a lot more to life and happiness than getting another promotion or raise. There are also a lot of good people that get recognized for their goodness and rewarded for it.

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