I'm actually not sure this is true. And I say that because I'm actually not sure this is true:
> It. Takes. Time.
And I say that because of things like [0], which seems to say that connection is more about vulnerability and depth of understanding than anything else, and achieving that depth can be accelerated.
[0] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/014616729723400...
Outside of the lab being vulnerable carries significant risk. For one, you risk being taken advantage of. This happens all the time, people are manipulated for sex, financial gain, and sometimes just for social status gains (clique shunning etc.).
It's pretty common for vulnerable bonding to be misused by one or both parties. This can be in the form of using inside knowledge for blackmail or negative gossip/social shaming of some form.
People can be horrible. Finding good friends takes time because you have to learn to trust each other. Fast friends in my experience do not last.
Some people decide to get married after knowing each other for a few weeks. Some of those marriages even end up healthy and lasting long term. If anything I think it’s maintaining a real relationship that takes time not forming it.
This is a high risk scenario. Being vulnerable early demonstrably can accelerate a relationship, but as I mentioned this is a high risk approach that most people would not recommend as the norm.
The question is: how quickly and how can you tell if a relationship will be lasting?
What are the signs?
What if its just a numbers game? Meet enough people. Some of them will last.
That said I'm "too trusting." I get burned all the time. Taken advantage of. I have a scarcity of natural love in my life and thus an abundance to give. Makes me a target for the narcissists.
Those who do love me think I'm brave for loving so freely -- everyone. Even those who hurt me. They know it's driven by a deeply personal isolation within my soul that waters my eyes in this moment. But they can never empathize and am happy for that.
Survival bias.
Most of those "relationships" don't even get past the first date.
I also don't think it would feel very fun, and is probably not good for you.
Forming relationships is a pain in the ass no matter how you slice it.
I'm sorry if you've had a bad experience, but for the most part, I've enjoyed making friends.
Friend dates. My gf and I have started double dating those we like. You can listen while the other two talk. Being quiet with someone can be very comfortable or unnerving.
So there's clearly multiple paths.