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Comment by hestipod | Hacker News Reader

A broken, broke, barely breathing husk who doesn't have the energy for basic tasks often cannot be an activist. I don't have the ability to do that in addition to surviving. While I agree with social democracy I am not someone who is in a position to fight politics. My stress coping ability is paper thin. My basic needs are in constant threat and shortage. It also will not change here in time for me. My only chance is getting help and moving. I am not throwing my life away...others did that. This country and its capitalistic nightmare ruined my life. I need away from it in the way I need away from my narcissistic, cruel family. I'd happily accept a reprieve...a way out...I am not wanting any of this. But I am not throwing away life by refusing to hurt more and more physically and mentally...that's not life.

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Your story alone is enough to make you an effective activist. There is nothing more powerful than lived experience. You may be surprised at the amount of help that you will be able to find if you go to the people who are fighting to prevent what you've gone through from happening. There is support out there for people who truly want things to change.

I understand the desire to get away. I understand the reluctance to believe that things can change. But you have the opportunity to help stop this. This world fights hard to make you believe that you are without agency, but that's because learned helplessness is what maintains the status quo. Collectively, we have a very real power to shift the course of society. There is more momentum building behind an end to this nightmare than you likely realize. Do you not at least want to find out if you could have made a difference?

And you might also be surprised with just how much more tolerable the pain in life becomes when you are near like-minded people who genuinely care about their fellow man.

I think this is the last post I am going to make because I find myself feeling nothing but anger, resentment, defensiveness as even well meaning people don't get it and keep saying things I feel I have to explain and justify because for some reason I still care about proving I am not a jerk, crazy, wrong somehow and fighting the idea that this is my fault or I am not doing enough or I somehow failed. I did not. I was failed.

>There is support out there for people who truly want things >to change.

A lifetime of experience tells me otherwise. What is out there is insufficient. I don't need promises of a brighter future. I don't need cheerleading. I don't need vague ideas of what should be or what someone believes can be. I need practical realities now.

>Do you not at least want to find out if you could have made >a difference?

This is deeply offensive and makes me want to scream. I DID make a difference in the ways I could. I spent my life helping in my work and doing what I could in my personal life. I walked the talk of social issues. I was ethical and honest. That I am now needing help, needing rescue rather than being the rescuer. You don't ask a drowning person to hold up a sign as they go under to highlight the dangers of swimming in the ocean. That I don't have the bandwidth to add MORE work and stress to an already overwhelmed life does not diminish that. I did my part.

End of line.

I didn't mean to talk down to you or invalidate your completely justified response to your own situation, I apologize. Nor did I mean in any way to belittle your accomplishments or the amount you have already done for others. You are absolutely right to feel the way you do; you were failed, this is not your failure, you have done nothing wrong.

You have no obligation to anyone. I'm just trying to offer you an option of where to look for aid with those practical realities. Maybe you have already thoroughly exhausted your options, but this is just one more place to reach out to if you haven't already. I don't know where you live, but it's possible they may have a similar program at your local chapter: https://dsabuild.org/medicaldebt

And I am sorry if my pain and desperation made it sound personal. I have always been a "helper" and hyper empathetic so a big psycholgical part of my problem is NOT being able to do anything useful for those in need and raging at the injustice all around. But I can't help anyone else if I cannot help myself. I think you for the well meaning...but that's not enough anymore.

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