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The PinePhone will be launching soon, and you could install any flavor of mobile Linux you want if you are still interested in owning a smart phone: https://www.pine64.org/pinephone/

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Yes, I've already investigated the PinePhone. I have nothing against it -- there are a great many things about it that are wonderful -- but I don't find it particularly appealing on the whole.

My escape plan is to use the dumbest feature phone I can find and also carry a pocket computer (running standard Linux) that lacks cell capability.

Why not combine those two into a Cosmo Communicator or its predecessor Gemini PDA?

I'd love to get a Cosmo but I'd hate to carry it around everywhere due to its bulkiness. I guess that might be your concern as well.

Yes, it's much too bulky. I've also become very fond of the idea of keeping my compute and my cell physically separate. That's not really necessary from a security perspective as long as I can install my own copy of Linux on it, but the idea gives me warm fuzzies.

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