> So what really mattered was self-promotion, good timing, and luck.

Yes. He seems like someone who is good at self-promotion and networking. Well, good for him, but I think he underplays the role these have in his success.

> Why does the author have to present his life like one would in a fucking college essay?

I guess that's the self-promotion. And humble-bragging. Like this bit:

"I started working as a teacher in the countryside, but after invoking the spirit of their dead chief, they later annotated me the king of their village."