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Comment by slowdog | Hacker News Reader

For book suggestions I would suggest the old classic: “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

Talks about active listening, and remembering things about others.

As for generally not being as narcissistic, I think you’re already on the right track. 90% of being aware of other people, is being aware that you’re sucking up the airtime. Conversations are dances, both parties need to be engaged

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IMO it's really obvious when someone's applying the strategies in that book without addressing their underlying behavior. One of my bosses had the dark triad traits, and it was painfully obvious that he was following the book's advice to the letter. Referring to people by name often and the like doesn't mask narcissistic behavior, it just makes a narcissist appear dishonest.

I grew less distrustful of the book when I read in it that, in the author's view, the key ingredient to its advice was sincerity. Carnegie even makes the point that the advice is useful whether or not you are sincere, and calls out its danger.

Put another way: people are extremely good at detecting inauthenticity.

This is a great recommendation, but if a person with narcissism were to pick up this book, they could easily turn into one of those slightly creepy & very transparent "overly nice guys". It's a great start, but if overdone, you can push people away even more.

M'narcissist. tips fedora

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