but getting from 0..custom-asic is waay more harder than you make it out :o) plus you have a _custom_ stack on top of it, which is not
malleable at all. moreover, getting a vendor lockin is probably not such a good idea anyways.
giving credit where it is due, intel's role in development of latest pcie-4.0 and upcoming pcie-5.0 specs and ofcourse the latest cpu's make it less and less appealing to consider putting up with custom h/w + s/w imho
with dpdk for example, doing 10g/core with 64b packet sizes is considered pretty standard these days. and if you don't want to roll your own, you always have companies like 6wind to help you (and ofcourse they share the code as well)
facebook/google etc. have, by now, probably at least a decade of experience running their own sdn enabled networks. facebook even has fboss to commoditize switch from white-label manufacturers...