"Cloudflare is shielding cybercriminals" So? Criminals use many good services, it doesn't make the service bad.
"Scaring internet users into thinking their ISPs are insecure in the middle of a global pandemic" ISPs ARE insecure because of this. The global pandemic has nothing to do with this. Do we get mad at CVEs all of sudden during a pandemic?
"Falsely advertising their VPN application" It can be safer depending on the situation. If you need model closer to zero-trust (still not zero-trust though) use Tor.