I think you haven't even hit bottom yet. Reality is much, much worse. There are notable exceptions, but the overwhelming odds are that every single relationship in your life-- your wife, family, friends, etc-- are just as dishonest and transactional. Think about it. If you really screw up badly, your wife will leave you, your friends won't return your calls and will refer to you only in hushed tones clucking about "what a shame it is". Their support of you isn't some inherent validation of You as a being, it's in support of you as you exist in society and in the larger world.

We have spent years, even decades, cultivating and grooming our own prisons. In the end, everything we cherish and value will be destroyed. It is 100% certain and there is no way around it. It's such a bleak thing to consider, yet at the same time it is an absolute truth.

After wrestling with these facts for years, I have come to understand the Zen koan about cherishing every moment drinking tea from a glass because to the master, the glass is already broken. Control of the larger world and the people within it are an illusion. In many respects, you are already dead and forgotten. The only thing you can do is admire the stunning beauty and sheer improbability of it all, and to be as kind as possible to those who deserve it, and to many who do not deserve it.