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> I do Elixir regularly and Actor Model is not something PHP developers know

/me clutches pearls

What a travesty! I wish, I, a lowly, stupid PHP developer was smart enough to know about the Actor model!

/s

Look into ReactPHP, Swoole and Spatie

Is this just a long way of saying it doesn’t have “async” because threads are a perfectly fine concurrency primitive that you can build event loops on top of.

There is async in PHP

Not being a BEAM language is not unique to PHP or it's relevant peer languages.