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Comment by cambalache | Hacker News Reader

> believe many of these men will eventually find someone once enough of the women who are now rejecting them face biological realities and are forced to settle if they want to have children.

Who wants to be last choice? Maybe many of these men will wise up and marry a foreign girl(despite the usual shaming) or just hire sexual workers.

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Things move faster in women world: in their 20s they run the show and a lot of average or above average men get rejected/ignored. In their 30s, the situation changes cardinally,as a lot of top candidates are already in relationships/married/kids,etc. So now most of those left behind moved on a bit,got better jobs,higher income,some even hit the gym,and so on. So now they are the ones who are choosing and all of sudden,a lot of women don't cut it anymore. This becomes substantially more difficult in their 40s,50s,60s. Just a couple of days ago was reading an article,where a good looking( for her age), 59 years old woman couldn't get even a decent date,as all the guys were essentially not good enough ( a fat belly, bad,teeth,no desire for sex,etc.) However,one commenter made a good point about it: I am a wealthy,good looking man in 60s, and naturally,I'm only interested in 20-30 year olds...

It is interesting that you are simultaneously ressentful of women not dating men of their age and simultaneously happy about old men dating young women.

Given that there are similar amount of girls and boys, this guarantees that younger men of next generation will have to compete with older men for same pool of women.

I couldn't feel any emotion in the parent comment, only a description of how things are perceived to be. What makes you think there is resentment?

I don't resent women.I was simply stating the state of affairs.There are so many cases,where attractive, intelligent,and educated women do struggle to find a long term partner,even though 'on paper' they tick all the boxes, except that they are no longer in their 20s. As for older men chasing young women: I have no issue with that, as long as the the whole thing is mutually acceptable,which is essential in any healthy relationship.

Then everything is ok? Young guys without partners can simply wait till they are older. Assuming bigger age gap in relationship remains as normalized, their time will come.

Yes, but those younger men will become older and a new generation of women will come up. That is how it has been for centuries.

The assumption that a "foreign girl" is easier to get is both offensive and wrong.

Given the ratio of men and women in Asian culture for example, it's a much crowder competition space. That's even more true considering the fact that a large percentage of those Asian women in the US are either highly educated, or from wealthy families that sent them study abroad. They look for partners who are equally educated/successful.

There's a lot of "foreign girls" that aren't asian, and the competition space you described was artificially created. If you want to claim "offensive" and "wrong", you need to provide a better response.

>The assumption that a "foreign girl" is easier to get is both offensive and wrong.

I don't think that assessment is wrong or offensive (although I wouldn't say "foreign").

I think a lot of the problem is culturally related. I've had far better relationships with people I've dated outside of typical white middle class US culture. US parents often inflate egos to absurd levels, set unrealistic relationship expectations, and frequently create terrible personalities, especially for their daughters.

"Easier" isn't inherently a bad thing in this context. I would argue dating someone with reasonable expectations who is actually kind, approachable, and less afflicted by negative culturaly induced behaviors is far more appealing than someone who assumes they're better than say 90% of the population which a lot of US women have adopted in their dating mentalities.

> US parents often inflate egos to absurd levels, set unrealistic relationship expectations, and frequently create terrible personalities

Did someone inflate your ego?

> especially for their daughters

Oh, I have a daughter and the message I tell her is “there are 1,000s of guys out there that would love to go out with you, don’t settle”

As someone from a low-tier country, I'd say I had very good success with American woman. Which was surprising given that I expected them to be unapproachable from what I read online. I think Americans might be more interested and willing to compromise with strangers than their own kind; for both sexes.

to whom is it offensive? there is no sense of honor or duty when it comes to mating, LTRs or even hookups - it's largely a factor of mutual attraction and the extent to which both parties want to continue it (and perhaps have children). if that comes from your hometown or in a foreign country, why is that offensive? would you not move for a job out of some weird notion of loyalty?

we compete for mates in relatively tight geographic circles. that means that one's attractiveness can change purely based on location (arbitrage in the american english sense of the word).

handsome, blue eyed, blonde haired men are a dime a dozen in Berlin, NYC and Seattle. that can be massively arbitraged in Latin America and SE Asia (possibly elsewhere); you suddenly have exotic and attractive features. similarly for wealth: $100K is mediocre in NYC and fairly rich in above locales. etc.

> a large percentage of those Asian women in the US...

I think he literally means foreign. Like not in the US.

> Who wants to be last choice? Maybe many of these men will wise up and marry a foreign girl

Is being a desperate choice of someone who faces "economic realities" so much better than being a desperate choice of someone who faces "biological realities"?

Given that apparently quite a few men have an issue if their wife makes more money than them, probably. Being a provider is generally valued by men, being a romantic fallback not so much.

Well, it's a scale. My prior is that most men (people, really) would feel proud providing for their family and feel empty being "loved" by (what is essentially) a prostitute. Marrying a foreign girl (on purpose, not because you just happened to meet and fall in love) sounds to me more like the latter. But I could be wrong.

I've never heard of a man having an issue with a wife that makes more.

It's usually not the man that has the issue in that case...

It's associated with a higher rate of divorce [0], which most people don't end up enjoying

[0] https://www.marketwatch.com/story/can-american-men-ever-be-h...

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