Comment by titzer | Hacker News Reader

Comment by titzer | Hacker News Reader

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> I didn't accuse, I simply asked a question.

Yeah, in exactly the kind of snooty passive-aggressive way that climate-deniers are just "asking questions". I didn't want to come out all hot at you and gently encouraged you to consider having more empathy, but here we are, down a spiral of your increasing defensiveness and hostility. This is now totally about how you feel slighted for being challenged on your victim-blaming.

> Empathy is not the same as agreeing with him

It's clear that you don't agree with this person and already have pre-formed judgments, and that constantly surfaces as outright incredulity. It's difficult for you to process how infuriating that is for minorities who do experience racism to have to fight their way through a lack of shared experience and a wall of denial masquerading as "asking questions". Asking questions isn't "listening", it's just pushback. Racism is real. Listen to people to experience it.

> I'm just trying to get people to stop jumping to conclusions

Please, could you just let people who are close to the situation talk instead of putting yourself in there and muddying the waters?

> Yeah, in exactly the kind of snooty passive-aggressive way that climate-deniers are just "asking questions". I didn't want to come out all hot at you and gently encouraged you to consider having more empathy, but here we are, down a spiral of your increasing defensiveness and hostility. This is now totally about how you feel slighted for being challenged on your victim-blaming.

Will you listen to yourself? You're creating this enormous fiction out of a few innocent questions. I even said it could also be racism.

> It's clear that you don't agree with this person and already have pre-formed judgments, and that constantly surfaces as outright incredulity. It's difficult for you to process how infuriating that is for minorities who do experience racism to have to fight their way through a lack of shared experience and a wall of denial masquerading as "asking questions". Asking questions isn't "listening", it's just pushback. Racism is real. Listen to people to experience it.

All I wanted was some more information. Yes, it does sound kind of odd, doesn't it? Aren't there a lot of black fliers around? Does it really happen that they are being frisked that much? Maybe he's flying out of one airport much of the time and the staff doesn't like him for some reason.

> Please, could you just let people who are close to the situation talk instead of putting yourself in there and muddying the waters?

I'm not stopping anyone from talking. I just put forth my point of view, same as anyone else. Why are you so upset about me sharing my thoughts?

Is this really all that serious anyway? I've been frisked, too, multiple times. Why does it have to become some giant emotional cryfest?

> Did you ever think it might be the way you dress or your demeanor?

This is what you wrote. "Did you ever think" is a hell of a way to start a polite conversation. It's a condescending, accusatory and downright shitty way to basically call a person an idiot and completely invalidate what they are trying to tell you.

I mean, it could be just fine....but how could I know that?

You see how absolutely rude it is to talk to people like that? Can you imagine if your TV got stolen and you went to the police and the first question out of their mouth was not about the facts of the case, not things like, "When did you first notice it missing? What kind of TV was it? How long have you had this TV? Has anyone suspicious been around your place?"...but not those questions, but the cops came up with a completely alternate, dismissive theory like "Have you ever considered that maybe you never owned a TV at all? I mean, it could be burglary, but how could you know that? Next!" You'd be apoplectic, because that is not asking questions, it's downright incredulity.

People who experience racism get gaslighted like this all the time. But of course you don't want to understand the emotional context and frustration of those people, you want to "ask questions" and find a way out of your emotional discomfort as quickly as possible. Jumping in like this makes nothing better. Nothing. Like I said three times already, Listen to people who experience racism.

/out

> This is what you wrote. "Did you ever think" is a hell of a way to start a polite conversation. It's a condescending, accusatory and downright shitty way to basically call a person an idiot and completely invalidate what they are trying to tell you.

No it's not. It's just an expression, it means none of those things. And yes, I think maybe he could be misinterpreting things. Is that really so bad? Pardon the expression, but everyone's shit stinks, no one is God, and infallible.

> You see how absolutely rude it is to talk to people like that? Can you imagine if your TV got stolen and you went to the police and the first question out of their mouth was not about the facts of the case, not things like, "When did you first notice it missing? What kind of TV was it? How long have you had this TV? Has anyone suspicious been around your place?"...but not those questions, but the cops came up with a completely alternate, dismissive theory like "Have you ever considered that maybe you never owned a TV at all? I mean, it could be burglary, but how could you know that? Next!" You'd be apoplectic, because that is not asking questions, it's downright incredulity.

That's really not like this at all... He's just being frisked a lot. Could be for a lot of reasons.

> People who experience racism get gaslighted like this all the time. But of course you don't want to understand the emotional context and frustration of those people, you want to "ask questions" and find a way out of your emotional discomfort as quickly as possible. Jumping in like this makes nothing better. Nothing. Like I said three times already, Listen to people who experience racism.

Gaslighting is not the same as disagreeing.

> /out

Bye, then.

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