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Comment by irjustin | Hacker News Reader

Overall, this style is what Montessori-schools of teaching believe and how they operate. Essentially a self-exploratory based learning style.

There's lots of benefit in letting kids simply explore. As a parent, I find I have to stop myself from pushing my child to the 'best' result and let them be. That it's okay to pick a less optimal solution.

Where I find this alarmingly true is when outcome/results are negative (usually ending in pain). "Don't stand like that on the chair." "Climb in this way" "Don't eat that dirt, soap, car, whatever!!"

I know my job as a parent is to guide while keeping them safe at the same time letting exploration happen, but man sometimes it's just so hard. For example, letting my child explore while walking home can make a 5 minute walk take 10, 15 minutes longer.

Such things tend to be at odds with what I want but it is more important than myself.

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> I know my job as a parent is to guide while keeping them safe at the same time letting exploration happen, but man sometimes it's just so hard. For example, letting my child explore while walking home can make a 5 minute walk take 10, 15 minutes longer.

As we were putting our 2-year-old to sleep last night, my wife was commenting, "Remember how last year, when we read him a book, it would take all of 3 minutes and then we'd be done?" It now takes about 2-3 minutes per page, and can be 20-30 minutes to get through a 12-page book. In the meantime, for every object on the page he's like "What's this?" "What's it doing?" "No snake?" "It a green one!" "They put the duck in the cart!" "Where going?"

Also amazing how early the desire to make up stories and explain why things are the way they are appears. The drive to make sense of the world appears to be innately human, and comes out at a young age.

> The drive to make sense of the world appears to be innately human

I think it is something kids learn though. They seem content early on (2-3 years) with a collection of observations (I ate water melon, my hands are sticky, I’m now touching the dog), yet they constantly see us engaging in “sense making” as part of teaching them to talk and described their surroundings.

>Where I find this alarmingly true is when outcome/results are negative (usually ending in pain)

Pain is a very good teacher. Letting children hurt themselves and learn from that (within reason, obviously) is not a bad thing.

Especially since while you're small, falling hurts a lot less.

It's surprising to me how people consistently try to discourage traits in children which they at the same time glorify in adults.

I suppose considering how much effort society puts into raising meager people, it's only right we glorify those who manage to manage to grow as a person regardless.

I’ve also noticed that my toddler falls “better” than most adults do. If you ever take up judo, early on they need to teach you to fall correctly so you avoid injury. My toddler does most of it be instinct which is cool.

Toddlers are so far more spherical than adults

Also, much closer to the ground.

And also, they weigh much less.

I was hanging out with a friend who is also parent. As happens pretty often, the kids are all off somewhere else getting into trouble. Eventually, one starts wailing. My friend looks at me and says, "Ah, the sound of learning."

I always tell my wife is that my goal is not to keep the kids from getting hurt, just to keep them from getting maimed.

It's not just that pain is a good teacher, though it is. There is an even more vital lesson that the kids need to learn. "I can handle pain." They need to see themselves survive and push through difficulty because I believe witnessing their own resilience is the foundation of not just good self-esteem, but strong self-esteem.

In the US today, we're expected to raise our children like hothouse flowers. We get them to blossom by creating a maximally nurturing environmennt and shielding them from all possible adversity. That's maybe a good strategy if they can be shielded for the rest of their lives, but unlike orchids, eventually our kids will have to leave the greenhouse. They need to be able to handle what's out there and not wilt.

Parenting is about using our experience to avoid catastrophic outcomes for our children until they've developed enough experience to avoid those outcomes themselves.

It's more than that, but that's at the core. Love them, model good behaviors, and don't let them do irreparable harm to themselves or others.

the kids are all off somewhere else getting into trouble. Eventually, one starts wailing. My friend looks at me and says, "Ah, the sound of learning."

i am stealing that one

I would say that this is Montessori by only for ages 3-5.

At age 6 and above, the style of learning changes and starts to touch on more abstract concepts.

> it's okay to pick a less optimal solution

There’s a lot of space between optimal and failure, though it doesn’t always feel like it. Kids can sit a million ways in chairs but at some point they can also understand the concept of balance so that they can figure out for themselves the 10%of positions which result in failure.

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