You say you don't trust someone to get a chunk of equity and then leave after two years, but you asking employees to trust that they won't get let go before vesting. I'm not saying you think of it that way, but that is how it comes across. You want to have your cake and it it too.
Re owning 50.1%: Do you not trust the 15% of employee votes to side with you over the investors? I really don't know much about corporate structures, but I'd love to see the collective employees represent a board vote as well. I have no idea if this is possible.
I would not join a start up without knowing the burn rate with existing revenue/investment (not sales about to close or an investor about to sign papers).
Re-unlimited vacation: What you say is a hassle sounds like offloading your burden as a founder to the employees in the form of a pay decrease. At least in California, PTO is debt owed to the employees, so 2 weeks at 200k is 8k being withheld because of a hassle. Again, does not feel good. Also, I believe in an "unlimited" pto situation employees will only take as much time off as their manager/leadership so in my interview I would be asking what time off my manager/founders have taken in the past year or what you are doing to ensure people take the time off they need to live a healthy and balanced life. I also ask this question at interviews for non-unlimited PTO jobs, but because at least that time will get paid out if unused it isn't as big of deal, although I still wouldn't accept a position if my direct manager hasn't taken at least one week off in the past year.
There are too many creative ways for options to go poorly for an employee. Even with founders with the greatest intentions, things change. Board control can change, divorces can affect shares and control, a co-founder could leave, market conditions could cause well intended founders to have to let people go when things get rocky. If there is medium-success acquisition will the investors/founders be paid before my shares?
Also with options... what am I expecting to be a good payout? $500k after 4-5 years maybe? Thats ~100k a year. With RSUs for actual public stock, sign on grants, ESPP, PTO, etc., the TCO at a FAANG company can be quite high, so it feels like I'm taking on a lot risk to maybe break even? Yes, there is the chance of a billion dollar startup, but those are outliers and aren't representative of most successful startups.
One thing that startups haven't yet started to utilize is the resource of time. Many FAANG engineers make more than enough. If a startup offered me half my FAANG salary for 3 days full time employment with benefits, this is an offer I would strongly consider. It also eases the pressure of PTO issue. Like the old saying goes... Time is money. I may not be representative of everyone, but these are things have become important to me as I've grown as both an engineer and a person.