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Comment by save_ferris | Hacker News Reader

This is one of the biggest reasons I’ve chosen to forego parenthood. I can’t imagine trying to carve out a solid career in tech while being a parent. I’m sure there are so many here on HN that will say it’s not so hard, but employer expectations have historically been incredibly high at companies I’ve worked for, to the point that sacrificing one’s personal life is pretty much expected (although never explicitly stated).

The pattern of viewing non-parents as more accessible and therefore more committed has been incredibly noticeable, particularly among startups and smaller companies.

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From having worked in a different industry before tech, I would say the tech industry is a lot more accommodating than most industries when it comes to whatever employees care about in their personal lives, including parenting.

It's totally fine to not want kids, and nobody should be having kids because they feel pressured to or anything like that.

But most people do want to have kids, and if that is the case, deciding not to have them so you can focus on your career alone is probably not a wise choice. Raising children is a deeply rewarding experience that (assuming good health) lasts your entire lifetime, much longer than your career.

In general, in the west in particular, we often let ourselves be too focused on the short-term material world (how much stuff can I buy, how can I keep my costs low), and not enough on the important immaterial things like relationships and experiences that are more than just numbers in a bank account. Long-term that's a recipe for unhappiness.

>employer expectations have historically been incredibly high at companies I’ve worked for, to the point that sacrificing one’s personal life is pretty much expected (although never explicitly stated).

This sounds horrible. Honest question: why do you want to carve out a solid career in an industry that you can see works this way?

Because it's likely my best shot at financial independence. There's no other line of work I can pursue without taking on tens of thousands in student debt and starting over career-wise.

I've worked in several industries in my life, and it's not like tech is unique this way. In a lot of ways, finance is much, much worse. It would be great to have enough money to pursue whatever goal or passion I wanted, but that's not my reality.

I would refer you to the Parable of the Fisherman and the Businessman.

https://www.momentum-coaching.eu/en/inspiration/the-parable-...

TL;DR: try to live now in the way you would want to live once you achieve "financial independence"

It all depends on your goals and what you value. Sounds like you value professional advancement and fulfillment over everything, which is fine. Just know that there are companies that exist that stress "work-life balance" and mean it if you're looking to not sacrifice your personal life anymore.

so the solution is that everyone should focus on career and not have kids? that seems like a great long term strategy for society

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