I can relate to your sentiment about getting good at treading water. I think growth can happen in adversity but a lot of growth also happens from a place of feeling safe in the major areas of your life.

2020 has made me not feel safe in many areas of my life (and I'm privileged), everything from the pandemic, to the upcoming election, to the economic uncertainty. I think giving yourself as much of a break as possible is absolutely warranted. This is pretty hard, even for introverts who do well with solitude and software developers who can work remotely.

My own pessimism has also grown. I doubt that the threat detection circuits in our brains, that evolved to detect uncertain threats, were ever equipped to handle the scale of some of the uncertain threats that loom over us (and the speed and accuracy of the information about them.) Hang in there, you're not alone, 2020 is pretty fucked up (2019 was hard for me personally, too) and focus on your immediate connective relationships and well-being.

This article was a recent and good read (sorry for the Medium link, I know HN hates Medium): https://elemental.medium.com/your-surge-capacity-is-depleted...

[EDIT] I re-read my comment after posting (as you do) and realized it has an advice-giving tone, I didn't exactly intend for that, I was intending more to relate and empathize (and hopefully be helpful.)